darilaros

[wickedgraceless]

[ In the ever changing tides of war, Cullen is not one to complain at an assignment. Even when that assignment brings them to a deep, untouched bog, one covered in a thicket in trees that seem nearly impenetrable. He has to wonder why Daenerys was even asked to join him on this particular mission, given that the heavy overhead of thick, damp trees seem impervious even to her dragon's flames.

But here they are, trudging through it all the same, searching for the dark magic that has seemed to be spreading throughout the neighboring countrysides. The entire place gives him an uneasy feeling, and he has not yet been able to shake the idea that they're being watched. Still, he presses on, sword in hand, wading his way through the swamp. ]

I think, if we are able to get to the center of it, we might be able to get some sense of things.

[ Admittedly, that's only a guess, but it seems just as likely a place to find answers as any. Granted, he's not entirely sure they're successfully navigating towards the center- but he sure hopes he's correct.

Comments

[wickedgraceless]

It... [ Doesn't she understand? He lifts his face from his hands, brows furrowed. His own confusion is muddled with the lyrium, the nightmare, by the way she doesn't understand. ] Templars. Mages. S'complicated.

[ At least, too complicated for him to explain in his current state. ]

[darilaros]

[ He is clearly beyond grasping "complicated" right now, so Dany isn't too surprised when he can't manage to explain it to her.

(She knows mages use lyrium for their magic. She knows the templars require a supply of it, too, but she couldn't begin to explain why. The Dothraki didn't exactly think highly of mages, superstitious near to a fault.

The nearest she knew of it all was that one of the nobles who'd housed her and her brother made his fortune in the lyrium trade.) ]

All right. [ She speaks slowly, carefully. ] Then has it poisoned you?

[wickedgraceless]

[ Cullen shakes his head, disagreeing, before thinking better of it, and nods. After a moment, he just shrugs, as though unable to say. Poison is not entirely wrong, but it also does not fully describe it. But for someone who doesn't understand, and with himself unable to explain, it works well enough. ]

My fault. [ His voice is low and impossibly sad. ] Wasn't strong enough.

[darilaros]

[ Oh.

Daenerys has never heard Cullen sound so... heartbroken. Her own chest feels tight, like some great fist has taken hold of her heart in an iron grip, and the desperate desire to sweep it all away fills her to the brim. ]

Cullen...

[ Her hand moves to brush his hair away from his clammy forehead, smoothing back the messy curls. ]

Whatever this is – sickness or poison – of course it's not your fault. There's no weakness in being unwell.

[wickedgraceless]

[ How she wishes she could understand that it is his fault, caused by his own failing and weakness. What he deserves is to be put out of his own misery, not to have her comforting him like this. And yet he leans into again, eagerly, for it again lets his mind just briefly crest above the waves of this nightmare, before it sinks back down again. ]

Sorry. [ He mumbles under his breath. ] Just sorry, is all.

[darilaros]

[ Dany leans against him, winding her arm around his shoulders, turning her forehead to press against his temple. ]

Don't apologize.

[ She says it quietly, but firm. ]

Don't, because—

[ —because it's not real.

Something jolts through Dany as the reminder hits her like lightning.

It's a dream. It's an illusion.

You have to get out.

Daenerys withdraws her arm, straightening up and tugging at Cullen's shoulder to encourage him to do the same. ]

Here, look at me.

[ She reaches out to cradle his face in her palms, trying to steady him away from the wavering unease. ]

I need you to do this for me, all right?

[wickedgraceless]

[ The sudden change disorients him further, but the feel of her hands against his face brings about a sense of calm. He lifts a shaky hand to grasp one of her wrists, and for the first time it seems as though he actually sees here, even if so much still remains confused. ]

You need...? [ He starts to repeat her, feeling suddenly that he does know, or should know her or- ] I... don't know. I'll try.

[darilaros]

Good.

[ The praise is warm, if nothing else.

Her hands stay firmly curled around his jaw, her eyes fixed on his, a hopeful anchor in the storm of the Fade's sinking claws. ]

Can you think back to before this moment? Do you remember leaving Skyhold with me?

[wickedgraceless]

With you?

[ How can that be possible? He has been confined to his room for ages, and he's not even sure who she is. How could he possibly remember? But the continued contact with her seems to fight further against the pull of the Fade, and something flashes in his eyes. ]

Daenerys. [ He says suddenly with a gasping breath. It is the first time he's addressed her directly by her name, and under other circumstances, he might have been a bit embarrassed by that. But instead it serves as another beacon to guide his memories back. ] We- We were... the Inquisitor...

[darilaros]

[ Her name – not her title.

The recognition she can see in those glassy eyes is instantly heartening, and she nods quickly, smoothing a thumb across Cullen's scruffy cheek. ]

Yes. Yes, we went south because the Inquisitor had other obligations. Do you remember that awful swamp?

[wickedgraceless]

I... [ By the Maker, he wants to remember. The feeling over her thumb moving over his face helps, slowly but surely reality seems to seep back into him. As it does his appearance begins to change ever so slightly, the bags beneath his eyes fading, his sunken cheeks slowly swelling. ] Y-yes. I do. You... you lost your horse.

[ It's the first thing he's managed to recall on his own, and yet it sends a look of fear across his face. ]

What is this? What's happening?

[darilaros]

Yes, yes, that's right.

[ The change is slow but notable, when he'd looked so startlingly different. Dany nods again, eager, though she can see the uncertainty giving way to fright.

She can't blame him, especially for someone unaccustomed to knowingly walking through dreams. She keeps her tone level and calm, though she can feel her own fear prickling along the edges of awareness, that reminder that she feels lost and vulnerable, that she has no idea how to get out. ]

The magic we found – it put us here. This is... the Fade.

[ She gestures up to the hole in his ceiling, where the illusion beyond the tower has given way to the sickly green skies, the swirling of clouds, the distant Black City – and the Breach, beyond it all. ]

[wickedgraceless]

The fade?

[ His gaze follows her gesture upward, where indeed the dark clouds twist overhead. This seems to further shake him free of the nightmare's influence, and for the first time his mind begins to feel clear. ]

It... oh Maker. [ This is quite a lot of trouble, isn't it. But at least it's the sort of trouble they can maybe- hopefully- escape from. Not quite fully back to his true self, Cullen still seems to cling to her. ] How did this- we were just-

[ He inhales sharply as a sudden pain shoots through him. ]

We need to go.

[darilaros]

[ The forward momentum is slow, clawing for any small inch through thick mud, but Dany can see more and more of Cullen peeking through the illusion. It’s reassuring – at least until Cullen goes suddenly tense, that sharp catch in his breathing drawing Danny’s attention immediately. ]

What is it? What’s wrong?

[wickedgraceless]

I... [ The pain subsides, and he reaches to rub at his temple. The pain has succeeded in jolting him backward, the nightmare's attempt to keep him in line. While nothing about his appearance changes, some of the clarity slips away. ] I don't know.

I think I just need to... rest a moment.

[darilaros]

[ Fortunately, Dany has the good sense not to give into the heavy exhaustion rolling through Cullen, as much as her empathy leaves her wanting to let him take all the time he needs.

But they don’t have that luxury.

Dany strokes his hair back from his face again. ]

Cullen, you can’t. The longer we sit here, the worse off we’ll be. Remember where we need to be?

We need to go home, don’t we?

[ Funny that she finds herself calling Skyhold “home” right now. ]

[wickedgraceless]

We- [ Without her, he surely would slip under again, if he had even been able to pull out of it in the first place. At her insistence the part of him he still holds power over steels itself, and he gives a solemn nod of agreement. ] Yes. We must.

[ Even with this resolve, part of him still yearns to curl back up in bed and lose himself to the hold of the nightmare. He fights it with everything he can muster. ]

Could you help me stand?

[darilaros]

[ Fleeting relief overtakes Dany’s anxiety as Cullen agrees. ]

Yes, of course.

[ She takes hold of his elbow, readying herself to stand. ]

Lean on me.

[wickedgraceless]

[ And he does, though he can feel aching muscles in his body protesting against every moment. Sleep, sleep, something tells him, but he clutches her arm and tries to push the thought away. ]

Thank you. I think... [ He swallows hard, pursing his lips together and trying to put some stiffness back into his posture. ] Yes, that's better.

[darilaros]

[ Daenerys is small, but more than sturdy enough to offer Cullen the anchor he needs to get back on his feet. She tightens her grip on his arm, unmoving, until he’s upright. ]

Do you think you can walk?

[ She braces a hand on his shoulder, her other still holding his elbow.

Outside Cullen’s office, beyond the loft, she thinks she can hear— something.

A sickeningly familiar voice.

A voice calling, ”Dany!”

Daenerys’s jaw sets, and she refuses to pay it any mind; the only thing that matters now is getting Cullen out of this tower. ]

[wickedgraceless]

I think so.

[ And with each shaky step he manages to take away from the core of his nightmare, he does seem to become a little stronger, a little more himself. Enough so that it begins to dawn on him just how inappropriate it feels to be clinging to her like this, but that's something to worry about once they've safely made it out of here. ]

This... this isn't real, is it.

[ It doesn't even come out as a question, a fact that he's slowly realizing is true. ]

[darilaros]

[ Of all the times to be concerned for propriety, this is not one of them – and Dany is clearly not dwelling on what’s appropriate or not while they’re trapped in some hellish dream.

Survival is at the forefront of her mind, now. ]

No, it’s not.

[ She says it for herself as much as she does for him. ]

It’s all an illusion, I promise you.

[ Even if she too feels the risk of being dragged down into the nightmares that wait just at the periphery of her mind. ]

If we can get down the ladder, you’ll see everything beyond this tower – and we can start looking for a way back.

[wickedgraceless]

Ah... ok.

[ The ladder seems something of a daunting task for a body that still feels so tired. But the part of him that is still definitively Cullen spurs him forward. The first few rungs are shakily taken, but by the time his feet hit the floor, he's feeling far more like himself. With that begins the dawning realization of just how he had been until this moment, but he manages to push it down. Any embarrassment is something he can worry about once they're out of here. ]

Daen- [ No, he has enough of himself back to correct himself, and that alone should be a positive sign to her. ] Your Grace.

[ He waits for her to descend fully, and by the time her own feet hit the floor she should notice he's looking far more like himself. ]

Let's get out of here.

[darilaros]

[ Dany lets Cullen descend first, if only because she knows she'd be little help if he happened to lose his strength on the way down. She kneels on the floorboards to watch him, and when his golden eyes turn back up, when he addresses her properly, relief finally puts a smile back on her face – small, strained, but still there.

She once again gathers the skirt of her thin dress, climbing down the ladder after Cullen. Habit has her smoothing the fabric back in place when she stands beside him, looking so much less like her usual, proud self, her loose hair still curling about her cheeks. ]

Stay close.

[ It would be an order by any other means, but now, it's also a reminder – a hope that staying together will beat back some of the cloying unreality of the Fade.

Again, Daenerys tries to ignore a familiar voice, calling from outside the tower, "Dany, where are you?" ]

[wickedgraceless]

[ There is no doubt he will stay close to her, it seems to be the only thing that helps to keep his mind tied to reality, instead of the nightmare constructed by the fade. He is quick to take her arm again, though now his grip is more assured, and equal trade instead of him clinging desperately to her. ]

Of course.

[ As he turns his gaze outward, the facade of his tower fades away, revealing instead the true paths of the Fade, dark and twisting. While feels no more certain about things, determination swells up within him, and if nothing else, he wants to get away from the place where his mind had been lost. He picks a direction, and tugs, gently. ]

Come on, this way.